Who and When to Marry: Major Decisions

Deciding who and when and if you marry are some of the most important decisions that you will make in your life. Making good decisions requires two things.

First, a cool head. Good deicisions are based on information and experience. The more you know about each other and the greater variety of experiences you share the better your pool of information to draw on. Spend time together in various situations (not just the typical dating situations). Watch how your partner deals with stress, get to know their family and watch their interactions with their family. Taking time to really get to know each other, will eliminate the complaint that he/she changed as soon as we were married.

Second, a warm heart. Pay attention to what your heart is telling you. If you have a bad or apprehensive feeling, then perhaps you need to slow down and pay attention.

In marriage, as in life, it is important to be true to yourself. Don't pretend to be someone or something that you are not when you are dating. A marriage built on false expectations is always a huge disappointment.

Alfred Adler said, "We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed an unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a “getaway.” We cannot love and be limited.”

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine