Develop A Sense of Purpose and Shared Goals

Develop A Sense of Purpose and Shared Goals

All people want to know that they are important, that their life has meaning. Marriage provides an excellent opportunity to choose to co-create a life of meaning and contribution. One of the challenges of marriage is to really get to know and understand each other and to learn to love each other unconditionally. Meeting this challenge require maturity and discipline. Sharing a sense of purpose can help couples remember who they are and what they want for themselves, each other and the relationship.

It may not sound overly romantic, but developing a vision statement for your marriage may give you that sense of purpose that will strengthen your bonds. When you become a team, working together to reach toward your common future, trials, struggles and disagreements are handled easier, because your focus remains on where you are going. Couples without a sense of purpose may get bogged down in the day to day grind and forget to look up toward the life that they want to create.



Having a marriage without a sense of purpose or shared goals is a little like taking a trip without a map and driving in circles hoping to stumble upon the most amazing sights.

Your vision statement will be as unique as you are. There are many possible goals and ideals couples strive toward. Some possible examples include:

• Developing shared talents
• Raising responsible children
• Dedication to God
• Dedication to a cause
• Caring for the environment
• Serving others

If you do not already have a vision statement for your marriage, set aside a couple of hours to get started. Begin by each of you creating a list of your goals, aspirations and dreams, think personally and also in terms of your relationship. Items to consider:

1. If your relationship was a 10/10 what would that look and feel like?
2. What personal and family traditions would you like to continue or develop?
3. Rank your friendships and consider the kinds of friendships you value.
4. What are your financial goals and dreams?
5. How do you define spirituality and what do you want for your spiritual growth?
6. What is your idea of community and how do you want to be involved in your community?
7. What are your career aspirations?
8. What are the ways that you would like to continue learning and growing?
9. Rank your health and fitness and consider if there are changes that you would like to make.
10. What are the things that you do that help you feel energized and alive and how can you add more of these activities to your life?

Each of you answer the questions above, then compare and discuss. Find areas of similarity and begin creating a shared vision. A sense of purpose increases optimism—a shared sense of purpose helps to bond you together. Choose a life-affirming purpose, one that allows you to contribute to something bigger than yourself.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine