Marriage: Keep the Spark from Dying

If you want your marriage to burn clean and strong rather than start to smoke and fizzle and eventually become cold and gray, then there are things that you need to do to feed the flame. No one wants to end up in the middle of a dead relationship. There are things that you can do to prevent this from happening to you.

Here are a few suggestions:

Treasure loving memories

Keep a treasure chest of memories actually or figuratively. Save mementoes that remind you of why you love your partner. Take them out periodically to look through and relive those feelings. Treasure up fond memories in your mind. Focusing on the good and great things about your relationship can help you get past the trouble spots that will inevitably come.

Make your relationship a priority

Remember that where you spend your time shows what you value. Make the effort to spend quality time together daily, weekly, and yearly. Daily, if possible, you should have some face-to-face, eye to eye, ear to heart and skin to skin contact. Weekly you should reserve a time to “date” and have fun together. At least once a year you should arrange a holiday for two. It doesn’t have to be to some place exotic, it just has to be real quality time together for the two of you.

Stay connected

Continue being curious and learning about each other. Find ways to share your excitements, joys, fears, and hopes with each other. Share yourselves with each other.

Be Positive

Make sure your positive interactions out number the negative interactions. A ratio of five positive to every one negative interactions is a good rule of thumb. Never miss an opportunity to say, “I love you.” Or “I love the way you . . .”

Doing small things regularly that feed the flame in your relationship can keep it alive and well.

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine