De-Clutter Your Relationship

The beginning of the new year may be a great time to de-clutter your relationship. For the past several weeks we have been working intensely to de-clutter and organize our home. De-cluttering a home means taking stuff out and classifying it as garbage, give away or throw away. It seems reasonable that our relationships could benefit from some sorting and cleaning. Just like our homes can collect junk, if we are not careful our relationships can do the same thing.

Our homes become far more manageable when they are clutter free. Likewise our relationships become much more pleasant when they are clutter free. We can begin by identifying and discarding unnecessary conflict. There are some battles that are simply not worth fighting. When you take a look at your list of pet peeves, decide which ones could disappear simply by improving your own attitude. Choose to let those go. It is very freeing to get the trash out of our homes and out of our relationship.

Next work on resolving past issues. Choose to solve the solvable issues. For the unsolvable issues, the ones where, no matter what, the two of you will never agree, choose to either change your attitude so that it becomes a non-issue or learn to accept what is, even though you may never be completely happy about it.

If you have hurt your partner, whether it was intentional or not, saying, “I'm sorry” and backing that apology up with efforts to change, goes a long way to improving the comfort of your relationship. If you have been hurt, choose to forgive your partner and let it go, rather than hanging on to the resentment and allowing it to clutter up your relationship.

Finally, find and emphasize the hidden treasures, remember great times together. Laugh, smile and enjoy time together. Choose to move toward, rather than away from each other.

What is relationship clutter? What are the things that you should throw out as you de-clutter your relationship:

• Criticism
• Judgment
• Blame
• Disrespect
• Contempt
• Defensiveness
• Withdrawal
• Punishing

Your motto could be: out with the old, (unless it is working in which case it is more valuable than an antique) and in with the new. Make the new quality items, such as:

• Protected time together
• Creating happy memories
• Acceptance
• Admiration
• Responsibility for yourself and to each other
• Openness
• Acceptance

Start the New Year by working toward a clutter free relationship.  

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine