Simplify Your Relationships

Simplifying our lives is an ongoing struggle in this fast paced technological world. We are encouraged to simplify and unclutter our lives to make more room for relationships. Is it possible or desirable to simplify our relationships?

Do we make our relationships more complicated than they need to be? We make our lives more complicated than they need to be whenever we:

Demand Others Be a Certain Way to Make Us Comfortable

We complicate our relationships by expecting others to behave as we would and make choices so that we can feel comfortable. We can simplify our relationships by accepting that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and preferences. We need to be clear about our own values and principles and become principle rather than preference based in our disagreements. There are going to be times where we will just have to agree to disagree and that is okay.

Worry About Things Over Which We Have No Control

Worry, anxiety and stress complicate our relationships. Mark Twain said, “Ninety-eight percent of what I worried about never happened.” We can simplify our relationships greatly if when we have a concern we ask ourselves, “Is there anything that we can do to make this better.” If the answer is yes, then do it; if the answer is no, then take a deep breath and make the best of the situation.

Get Stuck in Anger, Guilt or Resentment

Releasing negative emotions will not only simply your relationships, but at the same time will make your life a much more comfortable place to be. Often acknowledging and accepting how you feel can be the first step to releasing that negative feeling. People tend to deny or gloss over their negative feelings, saying, “I’m not mad at you, or I don’t feel guilty.” Denying your feelings will complicate your relationships and make it less likely that you will get your needs met.

Miscommunicate

Much of what complicates relationships is simply miscommunication. Years ago, when I gave my daughter directions for how to get to my office for the first time, I spent a long time waiting for her to arrive, because although the directions seemed clear to me, they meant something else to her. I told her to turn on Quebec Ave. the first turn after the department store. Since there was only one way to turn on Quebec, I didn’t tell her which way to turn. She took the literal first turn after the department store going the opposite direction (not Quebec Ave). Unfortunately she did not have a cell phone at the time. Listening to understand and asking clarifying questions can greatly simplify your relationships and your life.

Manipulate and Play Games

When we play games rather than asking for what we need or want, we cause confusion and complicate our lives unnecessarily. Honesty is the solution for manipulation and game playing. We need to be honest first with ourself and then with our partner. What are our motives? When we are clear and open with each other we not only gain simplicity in our relationship, but we increase the level of trust. Trust is essential for any lasting relationship.

The simplified relationship is made up of two whole people, happy with themselves and others, who confidently ask for what they need, who are willing to listen to understand each other and who are honest and clear with each other. Simplicity in relationship is beautiful and comfortable.

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine