Vacation Musing

Recently while on holiday in the Dominican Republic with my wife, I had the opportunity to meet a young family, a father, mother and two daughters. The oldest daughter might have been fifteen but probably was a little younger and her sister was maybe eleven or twelve. We had the opportunity to take a tour together and spend some time with them during that tour. Watching this family interact with each other and enjoy their vacation together was a blessing.

I thought to myself that no matter what their life was like back at home, here they enjoyed each other’s company, they loved being together. Then as I continued to observe them I came to the realization that this vacation was just a continuation of their relationship at all times. This family was happy and well adjusted, it would not matter where they were or who they were with, they were happy with each other.

As a marriage and family counselor, I perhaps see a disproportional number of dysfunctional families and I was intrigued with this family. No, I was not stalking them, just that when I saw them in the resort I felt a peace and contentment watching them. What was it that made them so happy with each other? We were at the same resort for seven days and so we would bump into each other on an almost daily basis and I was amazed at the politeness of the daughters and their seemingly pleasure at meeting us again.

Watching them one night as they sat across the room from us in a restaurant I was reminded of a quote by David O McKay, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” As I watched them that night I was struck by the relationship that husband and wife had. They both obviously loved each other, with that goes almost automatically, they treated each other with dignity and respect. Their interactions with each other were full of tenderness and love.

Oh they laughed and teased each other and were not namby pamby at all. There was a light in their eyes for each other that anyone could see. And the best part of this was that same light was in their eyes when they interacted with their daughters. That same light of love and respect was in their children’s eyes when they talked to their parents and each other.

I am not saying that this family didn’t have their share of squabbles, arguments and fights, they did. Not that I saw them, but they are humans and that is that. A sad fact of life is that people in love disagree and this can be a source of conflict. But what I am saying is that I feel this family dealt with their problems in a constructive way, guided by the love and respect they have for each other.

I am not trying to paint a picture of perfection, no I am saying that there are ways and means to relate to your loved ones in every situation you find yourselves in that demonstrate your love and concern for them. Ways that allow them and you to feel respected and honored and loved no matter the problem. In any relationship, but most importantly family relationships, we must not make the other the problem. Remember instead that they are someone you love and there is a problem or disagreement between you. They are never the problem.
Quite possibly that family might have been one of the highlights of my vacation. If nothing else they restore my faith in human relationships. I am reminded of a quote by the English author George Bernard Shaw: “Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to this country and to mankind is to bring up a family.”

Dallas Munkholm
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine