Want an A+ Marriage: Give Your Partner an A+

Give your partner an A+ and then communicate clearly with them. Listen to their hopes and needs and expectations for your relationship and be honest and clear about your needs and hopes for your relationship. Start out with the attitude that your partner is great and look for evidence to support that position.

Think about what happens inside another person when you give them an A+.

Show appreciation for what your partner says or does that contributes in a positive way. Celebrating even the little successes can help you move toward creating what you want.

Give your partner attention when things are going well. Often we fall into the rut of giving our partner attention mostly when we are displeased. Give positive attention instead of negative attention. Instead of complaining about what has or hasn’t been said or done wrong, acknowledge and appreciate what has be said or done.

Worrying, fussing over and focusing on the ways in which your partner fails to meet your hopes and expectations, simply leads to more worrying and fussing. When you give your partner the message that they are not good enough, the most frequent responses are going to be defensiveness and discouragement. Neither of these responses tend to help people see their potential to improve.

Consider how much positive attention you give your partner. If your partner were to answer the question, “How much positive attention do you receive from (fill in your name)? How might s/he respond? To your partner, does it feel like they are getting an A+ or an F, when it comes to your relationship?

The interesting thing is that when it comes to motivating cooperation, positive feedback is far superior to negative feedback. Positive communication is vital to the health of your relationship. When your partner makes an effort to get your attention, how do you respond? Research shows that in marriages on the verge of divorce, husbands and wives respond to a request for attention negatively 50% of the time or more. Where husbands and wives in stable relationships respond positively over 80% of the time.

If you want to create an A+ relationship, start by giving your partner an A+.