Negativity Saps Relationship Energy

Negativity Saps Relationship Energy

It is fairly obvious that we enjoy being around people who like us and help us feel better about ourselves. Consider your interactions with your partner. How welcome do they feel when you greet them? How appreciated might they feel? If they were asked to sum up your opinion of them, how might they respond?  

The phenomenon of the self-fulfilling prophecy can have a powerful impact on our lives. This phenomenon suggests that what we believe to be true comes to pass because we behave as if it were already true. You might want to stop and ask yourself how your thoughts, actions and beliefs have contributed to the present state of your relationship?

You have great power to influence not only how you feel, but also the tone and quality of your relationship by adjusting your thoughts and beliefs about your partner. As an experiment, try focusing only or mainly on what your partner does that is wonderful. Spend time each day enjoying memories of positive and happy moments, even if you have to dig into your memory to find them. Express gratitude to your partner and let them know why you think they are special, smart, creative, etc. Do this experiment for at least two weeks. Pay attention to any differences that you notice in your feelings and attitudes, as well as any differences that you notice in your partner.

You are not responsible for your partner’s behavior. Their behavior is outside of your control. But it is not outside of your influence. The best way to influence someone’s behavior is through respect, kindness and a positive example. At any rate you can choose how you will be in your relationship; choose to act rather than react to your partner.

Pay attention to your thoughts. How many times a day are you thinking about how wonderful, amazing or interesting your partner is? How often, each day, do you compliment your partner? Compare that number to the number of times a day you complain to or about your partner.

When you choose to focus on what is missing from your relationship, you will drain your energy, your partner’s energy and quite possibly the vitality right out of your relationship. When you focus on what is amazing and wonderful in your relationship, you will infuse yourself and your partner with energy, and possibly revitalize your relationship.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine