Relationship Renewal

In our counseling practice we are often asked to help people repair broken marriages. Often one partner wants to “win back” the love of their partner, who is adamant that they have fallen out of love. Sometime both parties want to find their way back to love.

If you want to set your marriage back on track there are some things you will want to keep in mind. It can be very devastating to learn that your partner does not love you any more. Many people end up running in circles trying to discover the reason and find some way to convince their partner that they are still lovable.

We have been programmed to think that there must be a pill or a quick fix for everything. People think, ‘If I can just figure out and do what it is my partner says they want from me then everything will be fine.’ Unfortunately this often only increases the problems.

There is no quick fix. You have consistently neglected to do the little things that needed doing. That is how you ended up where you are today. There is no grand gesture that can erase the past. Instead, it will be the consistent doing of the little things that eventually may add up to a renewal of your marriage.

If you are a gardener you know that to enjoy a bountiful harvest, you must first plant the seeds, then weed and water and WAIT. Waiting is part of the process. Consistently tending your garden over time will result in a great harvest.

If you have not weeded or water your garden, rushing in at the last minute to pull the huge weeds and pour water on the garden will not get the same results. When you pull out the huge weeds the plants will be weak and vulnerable. If you pour on too much water you may drown them. If you don’t tenderly allow them to grow and strengthen, you will never get the results you desire.

William George Jordan said, “Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil - the silent, unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what a man really is, not what he pretends to be.”

If you want your partner to fall in love with you again, you must be your best self. It will not work to pretend to be who your partner thinks s/he wants you to be. But changing your behavior to begin nourishing your relationship rather than neglecting it could in time make all the difference.

If you say to yourself, I have always cared about our relationship and I have worked on nurturing it. Chances are you are only deceiving yourself. If you want to save your relationship you will need to be brutally honest with yourself. Ask: In what ways has my attitude and behavior contributed to our problems? Then do something about it.