Hidden Dimensions of Relationships

What can we learn about relationships from physics?
The super string theory has proposed that inside of the tiny quarks that are inside protons and neutrons are vibrating strings, minuscule filaments vibrating at different frequencies. This theory supports the idea that there are more dimensions of space than the three of which we are aware. A fascinating theory that may help explain why the universe operates the way it does.

I started wondering if this idea of unseen dimensions might also be applied to relationships. In any relationship there is the outward behavior of each partner and the words they speak. This dimension is visible to both partners. Then there is the dimension of each person’s thoughts, which though not visible, but both partner know exists. The next dimension is the beliefs held by each partner. These beliefs may not always be within the awareness of either partner, but they can be uncovered with a little effort. And inside is the vibrating energy of the subconscious.

Subconscious, just like the vibrating filaments in super string theory, is not something that we can see, but non-the-less it helps explain why people operate the way that they do.

Your beliefs whether you are aware of them or not, to a great extent determine your thoughts, words and behavior. Everything that you see, hear and know about your relationship is filtered through your belief dimension.

When your partner’s behavior does not make any sense to you, it is because you are trying to understand their behavior while looking through your belief dimension. In order to begin to understand their behavior you need to step out of your self, in a sense, and attempt to see through their belief dimension. What some have termed, walk a mile in their shoes, or see things from their perspective.

This is not something that we can ever totally do, but we can get much better at making an effort to see things from our partner’s perspective.

You could try reversing roles in your head. Become your partner in your head, not to prove that you could handle things better than they do or that you would make different or better choices, but to pause and think what would it be like to be on the receiving end of your behavior. How would it feel to be treated the way you treat your partner, if you were your partner? If your answer is an automatic “great” then it may be possible that you are still seeing things from your own perspective rather than theirs.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine