Life Or Not; It’s Your Choice

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” Albert Schweitzer

Our life as a couple is full of excitement, drama, pain, frustration, boredom, trauma, fun and every kind of human emotion there is. I know this because as a counselor I have seen clients go through and experience them all. These emotions are important because they let us know we are alive. Even pain and heartache are indicators of life.

The worse kind of human experience is “not existing.” Not feeling anything for our self or for our partner is being a kind of emotional zombie. We can kill any emotions in ourselves and in our partners by ignoring them, belittling them, treating them with distain, not acknowledging their existence, treating them causally and giving them the silent treatment. This is the worse kind of insult one human being can give another.

Some times these feelings and emotions can be lost because we get complacent, do not put in the time and effort necessary to keep our love alive. Neglect is a common form of emotional homicide. But it is not all terrible. We, as emotional beings, are very resilient. Given a chance we bounce right back and begin to feel our emotions, to be alive again.

In order for us to be happy and alive we need to give of ourselves. Share ourselves with our partners. They need to be with us in our happy times and in our sad times. They want to share life’s precious journey with us. Shared unhappiness, grieving and pain the lifeblood of a relationship. When we trust our partner, not only with the good things in our life, but with the heartaches, heartbreaks, sadness, frustration, anger, pain, shame and guilt we give them the ultimate gift, our life and our love.

When couples pull together and support each other through life’s landmines and roadblocks they come out the other side happier, stronger with a more mature and committed love for each other. We should be grateful when our loved ones want to share all of our life and to share theirs with us. As human beings we crave the company and companionship of others. In fact if we don’t get it, it can actually cause severe emotional harm and stress.

As the quote from Schweitzer above states we can burst into flame when we feel alive, truly alive because someone wants us to be there with them. Life is, as Woody Allan says, better than the alternative. Life is worth it no matter what the pain and discomfort it also brings. So live your life to its largest possible potential, breathe it in with every breath you take, celebrate the good and happy times and live the unhappiness and pain, experience it, grow with and through it. Live.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine