Old Enough To Know Better

In answer to the question, “What is the best thing about being a woman over forty?” a friend quoted her 90-year-old Grandmother who said, “Being old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.”

As women mature they often begin to come into their own, they become more confident, willing to take risks—to calm their fears and go for it.

While on vacation this year in the Dominican Republic we took part in some tours that a woman pushing 50 might be old enough to know better but young enough to do anyway. One was horseback riding. I had not been on a horse for over 30 years and had only ever ridden a few times awkwardly. My husband and friends lined up with the experienced riders and wanting to stay with them I got into that line as well. My horse was sad and tired looking, but had a mind of his own.

The first few times he started to run, I was rather terrified and pulled on the reins to stop him, which made him none too happy as he danced and pulled his head from side to side which was scarier for me than the running.

At some point I decided that if I wanted to enjoy this ride I was going to have to make friends with my horse, so to speak, I was going to have to trust that he would get me to where I needed to go, I would have to work with him rather than against him.

I discovered as I did this that he would only run a short distance before he would slow down again and at times when I thought he was getting off track he was only choosing a less mucky path.

There were still a few times when I encouraged him to stay close to the trail, but as I relaxed and stopped trying to control him, I think we both had a much more enjoyable ride. Except for my very sore legs and behind—there was a significant amount of pain involved, but that experience of coming to a place of peace on the back of a horse is not one that I would trade. It’s not one I want to repeat anytime soon, but it is an experience I will always treasure.

I think that often in life, we try too hard to control things that are beyond our control. We are afraid that if we don’t things will not work out the way we want. The problem is that all this fussing just increases our stress and often leads to frustration anyway.

When we relax and stop trying to control our lives and go with the flow rather than against it, we can enjoy the ride more. Coming to a state of peace in our lives means that we can allow, invite and accept the best into our lives—instead of worrying more problems into existence.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

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