Face Up to Relationship Problems

There are two ways to cope with any problem, you can ignore it or run from it; or you can face up to it. Ironically if you chose the first option, you may experience temporary relief, but you will end up worse in the long run; where if you choose to face up to the problem you will experience temporary pain and end up with relief.

Most people can understand this concept when it comes to their vehicle health. For example if your car is making strange clunking noises, you could ignore those signs to avoid taking it to a mechanic and the cost of repairs. Doing so may temporarily allow you to avoid spending money on your car, however the cost could be a break down on the freeway, a much more expensive repair or a car that is not repairable at all.

The same thing applies in your relationships. There may be signs or symptoms that are trying to get your attention. Just as with car problems, these problems will not go away simply because you ignore or run away from them. Distracting yourself with television, video games, computer, work, sports or whatever it is that you use to “get away” from you problems is only helping you get temporary relief and long-term grief.

One of the most important relationship tasks we have is to allow our experience to help us grow. We tend to fall into the trap of thinking that our partner needs to change to make our relationship better. However, far more important than confronting our partner about our relationship is confronting our self. We need to face up to our contribution to the present problems.

We need to stop running away from or avoiding frustrations in our relationship. Once we do that we can begin to take full responsibility for our self. We can ask ourselves, what do our frustrations have to teach us about our self? How can we begin to step up and be there for our self?

As long as we continue to blame our partner for the problems in our relationship, we make ourselves powerless to improve things. Taking 100% responsibility for our relationship allows us to go through the discomfort of standing up to our self and standing up for our self, so that our relationship can regain its health and strength.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine