Love Changes Everything

Relationships are vulnerable to outside influences, like pressure from family and friends, from job stresses and a myriad other things life can throw at a person. These stresses are normal and sometimes difficult to handle. Yet, they can be dealt with in a successful manner when both are on the same page. When each partner loves and wants the best for the other and supports them as a matter of fact, then dealing these issues can actually strengthen the relationship. With patience and perseverance couples can help each other deal with their respective worlds outside the relationship.

It is when the relationship suffers a blow from within that causes the biggest problem. Some of these issues might be an over-controlling spouse, an absent husband, passive aggressive behaviors, jealousy, mistrust, untrustworthy behavior, belittling and whatever else people bring to a relationship that is destructive. Resolving these issues is not easy as the issues are not usually black and white. They are interconnected to everything going on within the relationship. For example, one partner's jealousy, which may be the presenting issue, may be connected to or driven by the other partner's behavior.

To deal with these types of problems there must be a background of trust, which may be a paradox because trust may be the issue. A sense of security is needed, in that they feel safe the other will not leave or attack because an issue is raised. There needs to be a solid foundation of love and acceptance, a sense of responsibility for yourself and for your relationship as a couple. Each partner needs to know and understand that they have a large investment in the relationship. This knowledge should make one realize that it is better, less painful to deal with the problems, than to opt out of the relationship.

The thought that love covers a multitude of sins is a myth. It takes maturity to admit that there is a problem, an issue that needs to be addressed. Love is the motivating force for change. Our desire to be happy and for our partner to be happy can drive us a long way along the path to improvement, and sheer stubbornness should take us from there. A strong, mature, healthy love can provide comfort and solace when needed and can be a reward when we start to progress. Love is the way to happiness and more importantly, to change.

Rapper Ice T says it like this: "Love just makes it a safer place."

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine