Selfishness Destroys Relationships

Selfishness is a destructive force in any relationship, but more so in marriage because of the increased amount of time spent together. Things that you may be understanding or tolerant about with a friend or acquaintance may be unbearable when you have to live with them day after day.

We all need to stop and consider in what ways we may be acting selfishly in our relationship. It is often easier to see how our partner is being selfish and can be tempting to point out to them their follies. But since it is so true that the only person we can change is our self, we need to begin and end with striving to improve our self.

We can make conscious choices to be kind, considerate, and thoughtful—rregardless of the behavior of our partner. We can look for ways to be loving in our relationship. As we focus on being more loving and selfless; giving gifts of love unconditionally to our partner, we will soon find these gifts returning to us.

This does not mean that we become a doormat. We still need to maintain our boundaries. What it means is that our love for each other is unconditional and we choose to love each other even when we may not be or feel particularly loving.

Shakespeare wrote, "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: o, no! It is an ever-fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken"

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

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