Resentment Reduces Sex Drive

If you find that you sex drive has diminished noticeably, you may want to check your mood barometer. Check to see if you have residual resentment carried over from previous experiences. Check for hidden anger or frustration with your lover.

Have you smiled and said, “That’s okay.” when it wasn’t okay at all. Are you keeping a mental tally of offences?

Allowing resentment to build in your relationship is going to adversely affect your sex life. Each resentment takes energy to maintain. This is energy that is not available to invigorate your life, your relationship or the bedroom. Harboring resentment is very draining, it can literally suck the fun right out of your sex life.

Ask yourself, “Am I angry with my lover today?” “Are there hurts or resentments from our past that still carry some pain?”

You may want to write out the items on your “s/he was such a jerk” list. If there is something on that list that needs to be dealt with, then make a plan to do so. Otherwise try shredding, burning or otherwise symbolically releasing those resentments.

Five Keys for Reducing Resentments

Communicate
When you feel hurt, frustrated, disappointed, or whatever talk to your lover. Share your feelings, hopes, dreams and expectation. Doing so in a non-accusatory way will get far better results. Try telling them how you feel, describe what happened and explain what you would prefer in the future.

Don’t assume
No matter how much you want it to be true, your lover cannot read your mind. Don’t assume they know what you need or want. Also don’t assume that you know what they are thinking or feeling. Check it out.

Accentuate the positive
Notice the good, kind and caring ways that your lover behaves. Give them credit for what is right. Often we only speak up when we don’t like things, but we get far better results from focusing on what we want rather than on what we don’t want.

Accountability
We need to accept responsibility for our own thoughts, words and behaviors. We also need to accept responsibility for our feelings. Instead of trying to change our lover, we need to consider how we have contributed to the problem and what we can do to overcome it.

Acceptance
Being willing to accept and love ourselves in spite of our shortcomings, helps us to be willing to accept our lover. We are more willing to allow them to be themselves without judgment or demands. Acceptance replaces conflict with peace. We can choose to change those things that are within our ability to change and we can accept that there are some things that are not within our power to change.

Reducing resentment is going to free up extra energy that can be channeled into lovemaking. When you have cleared the air and renewed the intimacy that you once shared, you will be amazed at the positive impact on your sex drive.

Free yourself to enjoy sex. Reducing resentment is one way to increase your libido. For ideas on how to enhance your love life check out our sex manual, Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking.

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine