Are We Falling Out of Love?

Many couples start to have doubts when the fur starts to fly. They start to wonder if they were “meant to be together” or if they ever loved each other. The reality is that every relationship goes through rough times. It is not the fact that you have disagreements or fights; it is the meaning that you attach to those experiences that decides whether it strengthens or breaks your relationship.

Unfortunately life has no rewind button and we cannot change what has already happened. What’s done is done. It is important to be clear about what you have the power to change and what is beyond your control. You can change the way your past affects you, but you can never change the events that have already happened. Giving up the dream of having a better past allows you to move forward to a better future.

There are things that we can learn even from the worst experiences of our life. What we do have the power to choose and control, is the meaning that we give to the things that happen to us. That is why two people can have the same experience and yet end up with totally different outcomes. One becomes bitter and miserable and the other chooses to love and enjoy life.

What meaning are you attaching to your experiences? What feelings do those meaning stir up in you? Do those thoughts and feelings lead you to be happy or miserable? If you had that choice would you rather be happy or miserable? The important thing for you to understand is the YOU DO HAVE THE CHOICE.

As human beings we have the amazing ability to manufacture happiness, even in the worst of circumstances. Christopher Reeve is one example of someone who chose to embrace and enjoy life regardless of circumstances.

It is not what happens to you that determines the outcome. It is the combination of what happens and the meaning you attach to it that determines the outcome. If you find yourself in love and hurting each other, it is time to take a step back and look at the choices you are making. Are your choices helping to get your needs met or are your choices getting in the way of the happiness that you want?

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine