Awareness Improves Relationships

Self-awareness is the first step toward a healthy sense of self and the first step toward healthy relationships. Awareness of our partner is equally important.

When you consider your life and your relationship, ask yourself this question: “Are you living consciously, semi-consciously or unconsciously? Think about your last encounter with your partner. How aware were you of his/her feelings, how closely did you listen to what s/he was saying, did you pay attention to his/her body language? How aware were you of your feelings and what was behind those feelings? Did you make a conscious choice for how you behaved or did you simply react to what s/he said or did?

Wandering through life half awake does not produce feelings of competence and does not make for great relationships. Increasing your self-awareness will greatly increase your self-confidence and self-respect, leading hopefully to a stronger relationship. Over and over during any day you choose between paying attention and not paying attention. Trying to run your relationship on automatic pilot is what gets you into difficulty.

There is the example of the husband, who was shocked that his wife was leaving him, even though her stuff had been packed and sitting in the hallway for two weeks before she told him. Interestingly, in those two weeks, he never asked and she never offered an explanation for the packed belongings.

Self-awareness means being conscious of our thoughts, feelings, and actions and behaving in harmony with what we see and know. Pay attention to the things that you tell yourself. Pay attention to the choices that you make in your relationship. Everything that we think, say or do is a choice. I find as a counselor, that most people are very aware of the ways in which their partner contributes to the problems in their relationship, but few of them are aware of the ways that they contribute to the problems.

When we choose to be aware of our feelings and share those with our partner, we become closer. When we choose to be aware of how our thoughts, words and actions affect our partner, we can choose to change what is not working. When we choose to be aware of our partner, we can be a true support and companion to them. Awareness both self-awareness and awareness of our partner will strengthen our relationship.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine