The Bedroom Rule

The Bedroom Rules

In any relationship you develop special and favorite places, and for some, a favorite place is the bedroom. Therefore, it is important to practice some simple courtesies in the bedroom. Even The Economic Times recognized this truism when they mentioned, “lovers' bedrooms have their own dos and don’ts. And since it's possibly the most important 'space' for a relationship, if one or other of you doesn't play by the rules, it can be very hurtful and damaging to the relationship. It is indeed difficult to define rules for what goes on in the bedroom.” The rules or just bedroom etiquette are not universal; they are unique to the couple involved.

That said, there are a few things that fit every situation we will discuss here. These bedroom manners fall into two categories; the first involves the bedroom itself—the actual physical space, and second involves what goes on in that space.

Starting with the easiest to define and discuss we will talk about the bedroom itself. Some of the shared requirements for this space are: privacy, comfort and atmosphere.

Privacy is very important, both for making love and for sleeping. Locking doors if there are others in the home can help ensure privacy. When the relationship begins some boundaries need to be set regarding privacy for you as a couple.

In some homes there is an open door policy for the master bedroom. This has a couple of versions, one, you are welcome when ever you please; two, when the door is open you can come in and three, when the door is locked don’t even knock unless the house is burning down.

Privacy is important because you need a place for just the two of you, where there are no distractions. And this is not just for the lovemaking portion of your life. It comes into play when discussions are taking place that no one else needs to be privy to. Privacy gives security to the couple, a feeling that whatever they wish to do is possible without interruption.

To create a comfortable place, you can start with a few simple rules. Nothing comes into the bedroom that detracts from the activities of the room. Clutter should be kept to a minimum, clothes hampers or baskets can be used and emptied often, dresser drawers and closet doors kept closed and night tables tidy.

Another important aspect is the atmosphere of the room. Consider enhancing peace and harmony in your décor; quiet peaceful colors, simple art and tasteful furniture all contribute. Last, but not at all least, music played in the bedroom should be tasteful, quiet, at least not ACDC.

What we hope to have happen is that this space becomes your private sanctuary. A place that as you can enter and feel immediately safe, comforted and peaceful. And on those “special” occasions feel secure in your privacy to let happen whatever it is that you wish for.

Moving on to discuss the activities of the bedroom, we will start by saying that what happens between two consenting adults in the privacy of their bedroom or home for that matter, is their business and nobody else’s. This includes mothers, and mothers-in-law, friends, family or whoever. Your private business is just that private.

The activities most often associated with the bedroom are lovemaking and sleeping. Another activity for most couples is conversation; the bedroom becomes a space of their own and a sanctuary.

There are some simple rules that apply to bedroom activities. First, always, always, did I say always, treat your lover with dignity and respect. Loving words, deeds and attitudes are the unbreakable commitment. Never force the issue or the activity. Gentle and loving persuasion is far superior to getting what you desire by coercion or force.

Always respect the other’s choice to say no. Sex is vital in any long lasting romantic relationship but it is not the be all and end all. Intimacy comes in various shapes and forms and one can’t always say which is best. Talk to and not at your lover. Listen to them with your heart, feeling their feelings and validate and respect those feelings. Share long quiet talks and long comfortable silences, be still and listen to your relationship mature and grow.

The ultimate rule that defines what goes on in the bedroom is this:

Love and only love is what creates, maintains and builds loving intimate relationships that fulfill your every dream.

Dallas Munkholm
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine