Junk Food Relationships

Which relationships in your life nourish you? Which of your relationships are more like junk food to your soul?

Junk food relationships are those that are just for fun. The relationship remains a surface-type relationship; you talk about lots of things, except what really matters to you. Junk food relationships never require that you deal with any real problems or that you share difficult feelings. These relationships, although they may be a lot of fun, can sometimes feel kind of empty.

Nourishing relationships are the ones where you know and are known by another person. Joy and delight are shared and celebrated. Faults and problems are not hidden. You chose to love, in spite of knowing that you each have imperfections. Building intimacy nourishes your soul. It may be challenging and uncomfortable at times, but these are the kind of relationships that can last a lifetime and more.

Difficult relationships are not necessarily junk food relationships. Difficult relationships can provide us with wonderful gifts: the opportunity to grow, the opportunity to learn about our self and another, the opportunity to forgive and to heal and the challenge to discipline our self to be our best even when someone else chooses not to be their best.

The trick, just as with food, is to find a balance between junk food relationships and nourishing relationships. However, unlike food, junk food relationships can be converted into nourishing relationships with an investment of time and effort.

Deepening your relationship means taking a risk. Sharing feelings, asking for help, offering service helps to deepen a relationship. Paying attention to the interests, wants and needs of the other person and really getting to know him/her deepens a relationship. Being honest without being brutal can deepen a relationship. Nourishing relationships may involve more risk (what if s/he doesn’t like me as I am); but they are far more fulfilling.

Staying safely distant may protect you from rejection or disapproval, but it also does not allow you to get to know those people who would embrace you and accept you as you are.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine