Gratitude A Relationship Builder

“Gratitude means thinking about all of your partner’s best traits and remembering why you got into a relationship with them in the first place.” Amie M Gordon

In an article, written long ago, in a different time and place, entitled Gratitude: the Marriage Miracle, I stated that a sense of gratitude is one of the most powerful tools in enhancing your relationship. That is still true.

Why is gratitude so powerful? One reason is when you express gratitude you have to be positive, you cannot be grateful and negative at the same time. So when we express are gratitude to or about our partner we are thinking positively about them. That by itself is a powerful thing. Also there is the positive effect on the relationship brought about through expressing gratitude. In research conducted by Sara Algoe, she found that grateful couples were more satisfied in their relationships and felt closer to each other.  Isn’t that the whole purpose of relationships; to feel closer to one another?

 We cultivate love through gratitude with an honest self-examination of our own conduct towards our spouse. As the Zen teacher Charlotte Joko Beck says, relationships are a gift, not because they make us happy - they often don’t - “but because any intimate relationship, if we view it as practice, is the clearest mirror we can find.” Relationships allow us a closer look at ourselves and when we find ourselves acting and behaving with gratitude and respect toward others we gain a bit more self-worth or esteem.

Amie Gordon found that participants’ reported feelings of gratitude towards a romantic partner predicted who would stay in their relationships and who would break up nine months later. The more grateful participants were, the more likely they were to still be in their relationship. So we find that through expressing our appreciation and gratitude we are solidifying our relationship.

Expressing our gratitude is one of the most important things we can do in our relationship. As we do so we empower and strengthen our relationship. To thank each other for just being in our lives makes a difference. When an aura of gratitude pervades a relationship, both individuals are continually renewed in spirit.

It is in the little things that great things are made possible. We can have a great relationship if we take care of the little things in our lives. Taking care of each other’s heart, love and name shows we respect them and are grateful for them in our life. Gratitude is expressed simply and quietly, with no thought of a return or any conditions. We do it because we love each other and because it feels great.

“When I invite gratitude into my life, there is an immediate and delicious softening around the edges of my ego. My heart opens. I breathe more fully. The muscles, tissues and cells of my body relax. My mind lets go of its incessant occupation with what isn't, and quietly eases into the reality of what is.”  Diana Daffner


Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., M.Psy., R.T.C., M.T.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine