How To Pry Your Relationship Out Of A Rut

How To Pry Your Relationship Out Of A Rut

Do you feel like your relationship is in a rut? Like you do and say the same things over and over again? Like you might spend time together, but you are no longer really seeing each other? One of our greatest human needs is to connect with each other. But if we are not careful, we can slowly drift apart as a couple. Our contact can become rote and mechanical. Allowing your relationship to slide into and blindly follow a rut can leave you feeling drained, lifeless and disappointed.

How do you pry your relationship out of a rut? How can you start to revitalize your relationship?

It begins with awareness. You first have to recognize that your relationship is in a rut. It also helps to recognize what you are doing to contribute to the disconnection between the two of you. What are you doing to avoid spending time together? Some work late, others put all their energy into the kids, hobbies, socializing, etc. Becoming aware of the problems gives you the opportunity to start making different choices.

Start now. Recognize that there will never be a convenient time to work on your relationship.

Do something different. Even small changes can lead you in the right direction. Shut the television off while you eat dinner. Go for a walk together. Offer a foot or shoulder rub. Change some routines; consciously choose some better habits. Let's face it, we do most of what we do in life by habit. We can take advantage of this fact by deciding what habits would help us feel more alive and connected in our lives. Then consciously choose to do those things until they become the new habit.

There is still some merit to faking it till you make it. This starts with identifying how you would like your relationship to be and specifically how you would think and behave in that ideal relationship. Now start acting and thinking that way. Smile more, be more positive, be present in your relationship and give much more positive than negative feedback to your partner. You can be the catalyst that starts your relationship on an upward rather than downward spiral.

Be patient and persistent. Yes it may feel awkward at first, but if you persist and are willing to experiment until you find what works for you, you can have a more fulfilling relationship.

If you find that you are completely unable to pull your relationship out of the rut, you may want to seek professional help before the problems are beyond repair.  

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine