The Cost Of Being Right

Maybe you have met or are in a relationship with someone who seems to have the, My mind is made up. Don’t confuse me with the facts, kind of attitude. Or maybe when you look in the mirror you see someone with that type of attitude. This attitude is extremely destructive to relationships. Having to be right all the time may ultimately cost you the loss of your relationship. The least that it will cost you is a lack of intimacy in your relationship.

When you have to be right, you are constantly making your partner wrong. If you have to win all the time, your partner gets to lose all the time. This is not a fun place to live in a relationship. Your cannot really know and be close to your partner, if every time they express their opinion, you are correcting or criticizing them. If by your actions you are saying to your partner, If I want your opinion, I will give it to you, then you will never really know or understand your partner.


Your need to always be right, means that you are unable to be open to influence from your partner. It means that you cannot really listen to their opinions and feelings. You are too busy pushing your opinions and arguments. Trust and intimacy are eroded and will be completely destroyed unless changes are made.

This need to constantly prove that one is right, often stems from an insecure sense of self. If you find yourself feeling threatened or annoyed when people do not agree with you, ask your self, why is it so important to me to be right? What does being wrong or making a mistake mean to me? Does it mean that I am stupid or less than?

Mutual respect is vital for a lasting healthy relationship. If you find yourself constantly putting your partner down because you have to win or be right all the time, STOP. Ask yourself, How important is this? Is this worth making my partner lose? How will this affect my relationship? Can I choose to be happy rather than right? If you are not with someone you can respect then perhaps it is time to reevaluate your behavior and your relationship. If you are with someone who does not respect you, you may want to evaluate your opinion of yourself and learn to be more assertive.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine