Half An Hour A Day Challenge

What would happen if you dedicated half an hour a day to positive interactions with your partner and family? What if for that half hour a day you simply listened to, complimented, encouraged, smiled at, and enjoyed spending time with someone you love? What if for that half an hour you choose to be only with them? You shut off your cell phone, computer, television or any other distractions that might interfere. What if for that half hour you focused your thoughts and energy on them and not you or the million things you need to get done?

I once heard someone say that they enjoyed hearing, “I like you,” from their spouse and that they thought it was more important than hearing, “I love you.” Far too often for couples and in families, relationships are allowed to deteriorate to the point that although they may love each other, they sometimes cannot even stand to be around each other. Loving your family seems somewhat mandatory, where liking your family is optional. But you have the power to increase the liking feelings in your relationships simply by investing some time.

Why are we so quick to judge and criticize those that we love. Why do the communications that most children hear from their parents consist of either don't, stop and shouldn't or do this, hurry up and slow down. Too often it seems that partners and children are never able to measure up. Years ago, reading the book by Barry Neil Kaufman called To Love is To Be Happy With, helped me to recognize the importance of acceptance and my ability to choose to be “happy with” rather than judgmental toward those I loved.

The Golden Rule of Relationships is to have 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction. This is the ratio that tips the scales in favor of long lasting relationships. In this technological generation, most couples and families spend very little one-on-one time together. Often time together is in front of the television or while on computers and cell phones. Most couples and families are starved for caring human contact, including eye contact.

Take the half hour a day challenge, try it as an experiment. I would predict that if you are willing to accept this challenge that miracles may begin to happen in your relationships. This time and concentrated attention will strengthen the bonds, kinship and friendship that allows you to enjoy a lifetime together.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course 

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples 

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine