Marriage and Kids

Relationships between a man and a woman can be and are great. We do things together; travel, vacation, laugh and play, we have sex and then we have kids. I have heard people, parents, say “when is it our turn.” Or one or the other of them saying “I never get the same time and affection, the same respect and consideration as the kids.” And all too often this is a legitimate question or statement. We, as parents are so much more concerned about the welfare of our children then about each other or ourselves.

It is a fact of life that we need to put our own life, our own needs, and our own concerns on hold when we have children, especially little ones. We can’t be enjoying that afternoon delight while our two year old tries to cook supper. Or we can’t be working on our intimate connections when our teenage daughter is in the midst of her first break-up. It just does not work that way. So, when do we get “our turn,” when do we receive that same love and affection, respect and consideration and the same time for us?

We all want what is best for our kids. We do whatever it takes to help them to be safe, loved and help them to grow. “That is just what moms (dads) do,” my grandmother says. “Sacrifice everything for our children, they are what we really leave behind. Our success or failure in life is measured by success or failure of our kids.”



“You should have seen what a fine-looking man he was before he had children.”—Arapesh Tribesman Give up our selves for the betterment of our progeny, I think not. Sacrifice is great, help our kids out is fantastic, giving them the world is terrific, but not at the cost of our selves. We will be better parents and partners if we take care of our selves. Individuals need time to be alone, no matter what age our kids are or what is going on in their lives.

At times, and it is usually the mother, one of the parents gives more to the children and leaves the partner to fend for themselves. Time, well spent, together as a couple is one of the greatest gifts you can give each other. That same time well spent as a couple is the greatest gift you can give to your children. I guarantee that you will be a better parent if you are happy in your marriage, you enjoy spending time together, you make efforts to find ways of doing that. In fact, you are a better anything you choose, whatever role it is if you are happy with your life at home.

As parents we need to make every effort to give as much, if not more, to our partner. Time and effort are needed in that relationship as well as respect, love, consideration and sacrifice. Because sooner or later your kids will all leave and you still want to know that person sitting across the kitchen table from you. It is one of the greatest escapes in life when we can ditch the kids with mom, or a trusted friend, for the weekend and spend that time lounging around is some romantic place. Even if it is your own bedroom and your vivid imagination. You need to do this at least once every three or four months.

Parents need time away from their offspring as much as kids need time away from their managers, er, parents. Vacations away from kids are great as well. Not that I’m saying that we never do anything with our kids but that we need to stay connected with our spouses. It is a definite fact that we need to give our children happy memories but how much more happy will those memories be if we still love each other. So….
One, two, three, four, you really need to learn to shut the door.
Five, six, seven, eight the kids really need to learn to wait.
Nine and ten, this is so much fun you’ll want to do it again.

Enjoy each other no matter what stage you life is in, it’s better for you and great for the kids.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C., C.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine