Using Emotional Intelligence To Strengthen Your Relationships

According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, there are five aspects of emotional intelligence.

• Self-Awareness or knowing your emotions
• Self-control or managing your emotions
• Self-direction or motivating yourself.
• Empathy or recognizing and understanding the emotions of others
• Interpersonal skills or managing relationships

To begin with we absolutely cannot be emotionally intelligent if we ignore, disregard, judge or stuff our emotions. Emotional intelligence involves welcoming, accepting, appreciating, and learning from our feelings. We understand that feelings are not good or bad, they are simply there to give us important information.

But accepting our feelings does not mean allowing them to overwhelm us. Emotional intelligence means finding ways to self-soothe and manage our emotions so that we are not overwhelmed and have our ability to reason high-jacked by our feelings.

Emotional intelligence means leaning to control our impulses and delay gratification so that we can motivate ourselves to move toward a goal. Self-motivation helps us over come doubt, fear and procrastination.

Being able to tune into the verbal and non-verbal cues that help us recognize feelings in others requires emotional intelligence. Empathy is a key-stone to healthy relationships.

Negotiation, conflict resolution and interpersonal skills are essential to emotional intelligence. The ability to get along well with others is a sign of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence may come easier to some than others, but it is something that we can learn and improve. Strengthening ourselves in these five areas; self-awareness, self-control, self-direction, empathy, and interpersonal skills; will help us become more successful in our relationships and in everything that we do. As we gain emotional intelligence our relationships become more stable, peaceful and harmonious. We will have less stress in our life because we are managing our self and our relationships well.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine