Are You Fighting With Your Partner?

Are you fighting with your partner or are you fighting with yourself and your partner is getting in the way?

Internal conflict can spill over and create relationship conflict. For example, not feeling worthy of love, but wanting desperately to be accepted and loved can lead people to sabotage and doubt their partner’s love. Because of their inner state, they are unable to accept or feel the love that their partner offers.

However, anything their partner says or does that confirms their belief that they are unlovable will hit them to the core and be burned forever into their memory. Often resulting in the conclusion that their partner does not love them. This conclusion feels totally true to them because it coincides with their belief and internal picture of themselves as unlovable.

Sometimes people think that if they get out of an uncomfortable relationship that then they will be happy. Then some time later they find themselves in the same relationship with someone else. It does matter how far or fast you run, you will always be there when you stop.

There are many variations of this internal conflict:

I don’t deserve positive attention from others;
But I badly want others to pay attention to me.

I shouldn’t burden others with my problems or fears;
But I need others to notice and care about my problems and fears

I am worthless;
But I need someone to prove to me that I am of worth.

I am ugly;
But I want desperately for someone to convince me that I am beautiful.

These internal conflicts set you up to struggle in relationships. The beliefs that you hold do not allow you to receive the very thing that you most need from your partner.

At some point you have to examine the self-defeating beliefs that are blocking your happiness. When you have reached the point where you are willing to examine these beliefs and change those that are not serving you then your relationships will begin to heal, beginning with your relationship with yourself.

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine