Dealing With In-Law Troubles

The support of family and friends is a huge asset to any marriage. It is unwise to criticize or ridicule your future in-laws. Remember that they are a part of your partner’s life. Even if your partner criticizes them or you feel they are a destructive influence, you need to speak respectfully of them and to them. It may help to remember that your partner probably picked you because in some ways you are like significant others in their life.

Decide to accept and love your partner’s family regardless. When you choose not to be offended by things that they may say or do; but instead get curious and learn about who they are and what they think and feel—you may find that they are not so bad after all. If you consistently treat them with respect and consideration they will eventually come around or at least your dignity will remain intact.

Trying to isolate your partner from his/her family and friends is abusive and will usually backfire.

It is also important to set boundaries around your relationship. Take some time to discuss and decide as a couple what role family and friends will play in your life. How much time will you spend visiting? What role will they play in tradition, and special occasions?

Remember, if your family is less than respectful to your partner, it is your responsibility to speak up. Firmly and tactfully set some boundaries to protect your partner and your relationship.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine