Families: What a Relationship

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person might not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.”  Bob Moorehead

Today I want to talk about the importance of family relationships because most of us have families. Families are important because they teach us, inspire us, chastise us, laugh with and at us, care for us, love us and usually want to be with us or have regular contact with.

Families provide a sense of continuity and permanence, for some of us the only such sense we have. As parents we want the best for our children, some of us even want what our children consider their best.  Quite often, even with adult children one or both parents still want to control their children’s lives. Two words of advice: “Stop It!” we cannot protect our children from the hardships of the world and if we could it would be harmful to them. Children need to learn to stand up for themselves and learn to defend and support themselves.

One of the essential things a family can give is total and complete acceptance and love. When as children we have experienced this type of love we grow up less dysfunctional and more settled. By settled I mean that life is good for us, we usually see the glass half full and laugh and love easier, because we are loved.

Love is the glue that binds families with ties that can last through life and its many storms. As families we are able to look at each other with a huge degree of tolerance for foibles, mistakes and silly arguments and tiffs. Some of my favorite moments with my brothers and sisters is to talk, laugh and shout about the things we did or didn’t do as kids. With my own kids it is just sitting around the table after someone’s birthday supper and laughing until we hurt and telling stories on each other.

My wife recently wanted to start a book of moments to remember; inspired by the song of the same name; and my kids thought this was hilarious. There was the skiing off the hayshed roof tale, the falling out the sliding glass doors, the rabbit passed off as chicken incident, the baking of my own birthday cake memory and many “It’s not your memory Mom, just put it down in the book.”  This experience has led to laughing, some crying and a lot of great closeness between our kids and us.

My measure of how well we did as parents has nothing to do with university degrees, money in the bank or big houses; it is in how much our kids want to be with each other and with us. The times and ways that they will sacrifice to help each other; this is the true measure of our success; our kids like each other and are best friends along with their spouses.

So, dad cherish that moment when your 3 year old climbs up into your lap with wet pants and a dirty face and hands and wants to give a big hug and tell you about the flutterbys he saw this afternoon. That is the stuff that goes into your “Moments to Remember.” When your 18 year old is waiting, crying in the garage, to tell you that she has screwed up and wants some help to fix it; you have a choice—love and help or be a “parent” and try to teach—know this, this is a choice that will haunt you or reward you the rest of your life. Decide now what you want from your family when you are older because if you don’t start now you won’t be able to later.

Yes we have a responsibility to teach our children correct principles and at times discipline is required, discipline not punishment. To discipline is to teach our children and patience is the second best teacher next to love and acceptance. Never disrespect, always remember they are people with rights and need to be treated with utmost dignity. One of the major paradoxes of life is that we expect the best from our family and often treat them the worst; go figure.

One of life’s greatest joys is to be a grandparent; to hold in your arms that precious newborn and see life’s continuing circle; it is fantastic. The permanence that is family is now extended by one more link that forges past to present to future. Let us never forget the rich blessings that including our elders in our family gatherings can bring. The memories, the stories, the love of life and family and life experiences can enrich the conversation, provide a passageway into our personal past and give children a chance to feel and understand the normal path of life.

I need you to know and understand that I love my wife, our parents and grandparents and even the great-grandparents I personally knew. There are many life times of memories and experiences to live, feel and draw upon. My life changed the day my first son was born, he is my first born and changed with the birth of each of our four children. I love the memories I have of our little family growing up together and by listening to my kids, so do they.

My children have chosen great, spectacular spouses and they have entered into our private circle of love. Each of my in-law children brings something special to our family and I cherish and enjoy each of them. My wife said to me the other day as I was playing with my 8 year old grandson, “this is our reward for raising our kids.” She is right; our greatest blessing is to sit in a family gathering and watch our children and grandchildren interact with love, with teasing and with caring. Families are among the most important relationship we will ever have. Enjoy them. Cherish them. Honour them.

“When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family. ” Jim Butcher


Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach
Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course
Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples
Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine