Marriage: Instant Renewal

As counselors, we are often asked, “How can we fix my marriage?” Couples want something simple they can do today that will make things better. It is only human when we are in pain, to want to make the pain go away. But, it is counter productive to try and rush relationship renewal.

An instant fix for relationships does not exist. Relationships are built drop-by-drop, kind words, kind deed, attention and so on. It takes time and effort to repair or keep your relationship strong.

When you try to cram attention to make up for years of neglect into a short period of time, you can end up drowning your partner in what now feels like smothering and intrusive attention. When people wake up and realize that their relationship is floundering, some may get panicky at the idea of losing their partner. They start desperately trying to show their partner that they love them and constantly look for reassurance that their partner still loves them.

Take a step back, take a deep breath, and hold on to yourself. If you are the one more interested in preserving your relationship, then you are going to want to start taking some steps in the right direction.  But gushing all over your partner is going to get the opposite of the results that you want.

Today we seem to want an instant fix for everything. There are ads everywhere promising instant results. However when it comes to relationships there are no short cuts. There is no great thing that you can do to make up for the past, but little things done consistently can make all the difference.

Begin by really listening to your partner. Stop and ask yourself each day, what can I do today that will bring a smile to my partner’s face. Make sure that you are having many more positive exchanges to balance the negative exchanges.

Can relationships be repaired? Absolutely! It requires persistence and effort.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine