Marriage: Finding the Perfect Gift

In your marriage you have many opportunities to give gifts—birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, Valentines, Easter, and just because. At times it can be a struggle to find that perfect gift. The one that will make you partner light up; one that s/he will treasure for years to come.

Chances are that, you already know what it is that you could give to your partner. If you took some time to quietly consider, you could come up with the perfect gift. We all have deep-set needs to be understood, appreciated and loved. Putting effort into choosing a “perfect” gift helps to meet some of those needs for our partner.

It is not that the gift itself is perfect, but rather the gift is perfect for our partner. Knowing that our partner understand and appreciates us is very satisfying. Getting a gift that is just what we want or need shows that our partner notices and cares. When our partner pays attention to what we like, want and need and makes an effort to give us a gift that fits our preferences and desires then we feel that they “get us.”

Receiving store bought gifts is great, but there are many gifts that don’t cost a cent that can be just as, if not more memorable and appreciated. The most unforgettable gifts involve giving the gift of yourself. When you cheerfully spend that day shoe shopping or at the home fair, you give the gift of yourself. When you take the time to make eye contact and be fully present with your partner you give the gift of yourself.

There are so many ways to give a gift of love to your partner. It may be a foot or back massage. It may be something that they have been hinting or have mentioned that they would love to have.

The gift of time is one of the best gifts you can give to your partner. When you give your partner your undivided attention you let them know how important they are to you. Remember that where you choose to spend your time says a lot about what you value.

Store bought gifts fall into to two categories, the thoughtful gift and the thoughtless gift. The thoughtless gift comes when you buy just anything, because you feel you have to have something to give. These gifts can make the receiver wonder if you know them at all.

In contrast, the thoughtful gift takes into account the preferences and likes of the receiver. These are the gifts that says, I notice you and care about pleasing you. The thoughtful gift is a gift from the heart and it carries with it a part of the giver.

We all want to be truly seen and understood. We want someone to “get us.” Take some time to observe, notice, pay attention to your partner’s likes, interests and desires. Make some time to contemplate and creatively search for the gift that would mean something to them, that would make them feel special or would make them laugh. And give your partner the perfect gift.

The perfect gift does not require any occasion. Any gift becomes all that much more perfect when it is given just because. The perfect gift does not necessarily have to come from a store. What makes a gift perfect is the loving and thoughtful attitude with which it is given. According to Forrester, "The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time."

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine