Relationship Garage

Relationships are not like cabs in New York, another doesn’t come along every two minutes. At least, not ones that are worth anything. So it makes sense to pay attention to the one you have.

Often when we decide to get married we feel ours is a match made in heaven and that this is the person we wish to spend eternity with. But as the years go by we may find we have taken our relationship for granted. We’ve let the chrome become dull, we haven’t been careful and we notice that the paint is chipped and there are a few dings and maybe even a few major dints in the body. The oil hasn’t been changed often enough and the spark plugs have become fouled with the gunk of everyday life. It seems to be running okay but, on cold days it sputters and sometimes it backfires. There are times when it won’t even start, perhaps the battery is weak or the fuel is dirty.

Cars require regular maintenance to run properly and efficiently, and so do relationships. We’ll spend thousands of dollars and hours of time repairing, washing, polishing and babying our car. But how often do we do the same for our relationship? Do we care enough to even give minimal time to daily upkeep? Have we scheduled regular check-ups and tune-ups? Do we use only premium products to help it remain shiny and new?

Daily up-keep in a relationship involves doing the little things each day that remind our spouses why they married us. These are the kisses hello or good-bye, hugs, support, little courtesies, odd jobs done without being asked, attention paid, and time spent listening.

Most up-keep requires just seconds to do and it is the accumulation of little things that gets maximum returns. The really great thing about doing this type of “up keep” is that you will enjoy doing it.

Talking and, more importantly, listening to each other is a major relationship booster. Make some time to really talk. Talk about dreams, hopes, aspirations, fears, doubts and feelings. Time spent talking about the kids, mortgage and bills, although essential, does not build the same kind of intimacy. Take time for a personal moment, just between the two of you and just about the two of you. Listening tells your partner “Hey, I really care,” or “I understand.” This giving of self, although invaluable, doesn’t cost a cent.

Premium products, quality parts and good workmanship mean great performance, in cars and in relationships. Time is the best thing we can give our partner; it is a top quality product. When we put time, effort, and thought into our relationship good things happen. The rewards are great. We become closer to our partners, we really begin to feel and understand what they think and feel. Take time to go out on special dates, not just store bought ones but home made ones as well. Vacations are valuable times, either with or without the kids. A wise old woman once told me that where you spend your time is where your heart is.

Dallas Munkholm
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine