Relationships And The Ten Thousand Hour Rule

The time you put into your relationships will help to determine the success or failure of those relationships. Whether the relationship is with your partner or your children, time is an important factor. You may have heard the song, Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin, where the little boy grew up to be just like his Dad, too busy to find time to spend with his Dad, who had been too busy to spend time with him when he was young.

Being too busy to spend time together erodes the best of relationships. Take note of where you are putting your time. Where we choose to spend our time says a lot about what our priorities are. If we say that our partner and lover is the most important person in the world to us yet consistently give them the left over minutes in our day, we are fooling ourselves.

Have you put 10,000 hours into your relationship? According to Malcolm Gladwell, author of Outliers, we can become an expert in anything that we spend 10,000 hours doing.

If you spent between 2 and 3 hours a day on your relationships, you would reach mastery in approximately 10 years. You could become a master in relating to your partner or your childen. Ten minutes a day, however, will take you 164 years and will probably not get the results you want.

Simply spending time in the same room, does not lead to mastery; just as your sitting in the same room as a piano for hours a day will never improve your playing skills. To master relationship skills requires that you relate to one another--that you practice negotiating, cooperating, communicating, and most of all self-discipline and self-soothing.

We encourage couples to commit themselves to go on a weekly date-to continue courting and making great memories together. We encourage couples to talk to each other everyday and make their relationship a top priority in their lives. Many relationship problems would dissolve with healthy dose of quality time together.

Likewise, if you want to have a close relationship with your children spend time with them doing something positive at least weekly. Talk with them, not at them. Try applying the Ten Thousand Hour rule to the relationships that you value.

Susan Derry, B.Ed., M.S.Psy., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine