Talk Nice

You have probably heard the saying, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” As much as this can be bad advice for relationships, it is good advice for self-talk. Self-talk being that inner dialogue that sometimes mimics our parents and that all too often consists of us yelling at, belittling or berating our self.

The problem with negative self-talk is that it destroys our relationship with our self—our self-esteem plummets and our ability to cope with day-to-day difficulties decreases.

Notice, for instance, what you say to yourself as you awaken in the morning. Do you greet yourself with, “This is a great day! I love mornings. I feel so rested and alive.” or is your self-talk more along the lines of, “Grroan, I don’t want to get up. I’m tired and I hate work.”

The catch is that your self-talk will set the tone for your day. Basically you are either setting yourself up to succeed or fail by the thoughts and words that you repeat to yourself. But you can change your reality by changing your self-talk. You can consciously choose to think thoughts that will increase your self-esteem and lead to success rather than failure.

If you feel tired and worn out and you start saying to yourself, “I am well rested, energized and alive,” it may feel like you are lying to yourself. Don’t think of it as lying to yourself, think of it as describing you as you now choose to be.

Do an experiment: Talk nice to yourself (morning, noon and night—as often as you can during the day) for two weeks. Watch to see if it becomes easier as time passes. Notice if you start feeling a little different by the end of two weeks. Perhaps you will feel a little more confident or a little happier.

Remember that it has taken years to develop the habitual way that you talk to yourself and that changing those habits is going to take time and repetition. The more often that you talk nice to yourself the more ingrained that new habit will become. By making positive self-talk a habit you can begin to reprogram yourself to have the life you always wanted.

The benefit is that when you put the effort in to change your self-talk, those thought that you have trained into your subconscious will continue for years to come. When you have a healthy self-esteem and a great relationship with yourself, you will find that all your relationships improve dramatically.

Susan Derry
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course.

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine