Are We Destined To Repeat Past Mistakes?

The majority of people make many mistakes, daily. That does not make us bad people, just human. Chances are you are not perfect. In the course of your life you have probably make mistakes, even if the last one was in 1987 it was a mistake.

People often complained that they make the same mistakes, over and over. They wonder if they will ever stop making that mistake. As a counselor I am asked what is wrong with me, why can't I stop? Occasionally there is something that we do wrong and the immediate consequence is so traumatic that we don't repeat it. What is the best way to remember your wife's birthday? Just forget it once.

Other mistakes are a little harder to define as a mistake. Situations change from when we first did whatever it was that we did. At the time it may have not seemed like a mistake but in hindsight we find that it was a mistake. It may not have been the wrong choice for the moment but perhaps was not the wisest course of action available to us. These kinds of issues are fairly common and sometimes all it requires is that we spend a little more time researching and thinking about the situation. Make use of wise decision-making techniques. Evaluate all the options open to us and choose the one is best for ALL concerned.

The mistakes that people keep repeating over and over usually concern interpersonal issues. Take the example of the woman who is married and divorced four times. Her question is "aren't there any good men out there." When in reality there are plenty, in fact most of her husbands are good people, just not good for her. The problem here is that she has some personal issues that keep her choosing the same man over and over.

Repeated mistakes quite often indicate personal issues that have not been resolved. When this happens the person keeps making the same choices, leading to the same pain, hence the same mistake. Other problems, especially emotionally laden issues, have a tendency to cycle through a persons life until they are resolved. The cycle varies from between five to seven years with the issue arising quicker the older you get.

So, are we destined to repeat our mistakes for the rest of our lives? Destined, no. Apt to repeat them, yes, unless we resolve the issues and get some closure. There are many good self help books out there that can help resolve those issues and for the really ingrained ones you would probably do best with find a good counselor.

Dallas Munkholm, B.A., B.Com., R.P.C.
Professional Counselor & Life Coach

Co-author of Marriage Prep: Beginnings a downloadable marriage preparation course

Co-author of Intimate Sex: Manual for Lovemaking, a sex manual for couples

Offers a free Nurturing Marriage Ezine